Truth: I was raised on take-out. All kinds of take-out. We had Chinese on Mondays. Tacos on Tuesdays. Fratelli’s on Wednesdays. Fend for yourself Fridays. Some of the names were catchier than others. The point being, cooking and baking were always foreign concepts to me, which is why my intro into food-making involved some very thick kid gloves. But a few years ago, I decided to stop being polite, and start getting real, with my baking. And somehow, my innate talent combined with about sixteen hundred Google searches, led me to dream up this sweet-ass cake. Full disclosure, it involves little to no effort, but makes it look like ya worked real hard. Now here’s how you too can deceive the people you love into thinking you’re great in the kitchen.
INGREDIENTS: You’ll need a pre-made angel food cake, a box of instant chocolate pudding, frozen Cool Whip, Lactaid milk, a chocolate bar, and sliced almonds.
Step 1: Mix the entire box of instant chocolate pudding with 1.5 cups of Lactaid. You’ll use less milk than directed, because you want the pudding to be extra thick. That’s what he said.
Step 2: Once you’ve placed the pudding in the fridge, cut the angel food cake into three separate layers.
Step 3: Melt your dairy-free chocolate bar in the microwave or on the stove.
Step 4: Mix 2 cups of Cool Whip into the now solidified chocolate pudding. The texture should eventually resemble a mousse.
Step 5: Next, slather each cake layer with mousse, chocolate drizzle, and sliced almonds. Once all layers are in place, refrigerate until chocolate hardens.
Step 6: I usually serve each cake slice with extra Cool Whip mousse and a hearty helping of sliced strawberries. Now let’s eat the shiz out of this thing and take all the glory we deserve.